Chapter Eleven

“Mrs. Domingo explained how she wasn’t sure which religion was correct, but she felt that having a religion is a good thing because when she gets into trouble she always has someone she could lean on,” I said. “Plus, she also said that being around people who belonged to the same religion gave her a strong sense of community and…”

“Wait. Wait. Wait. That’s what this meeting is about?” asks Tomas. “You had us skip recess so you can talk to us about Mrs. Domingo’s sense of continuity?”

“It’s community, not continuity,” I say.

“I thought we were going to talk about our corporation?” asks Alberto.

“No, wait. This is important. See, I decided that I should try this religion thing out. But I don’t know which religion I should pick. Mrs. Domingo mentioned how there were hundreds of religions and I was thinking I could try a few experiments to see which one was right for me,” I tell Tomas and Alberto.

“You can’t do that!” says Tomas.

“Right! You can’t just choose a religion. Right, Tomas?” asks Alberto.

“Yeah! You can’t do that. Can you?” asks Tomas.

“I don’t know,” I shrug. “I’m new at this thing. I figured I could try one of your religions first, for a week or so and see what difference it made.”

Alberto and Tomas look at each other. Then they both burst out laughing.

“This isn’t funny,” I say, “I don’t want to be the only boy in class without a religion.”

“You can’t switch religions like they were clothes, Loki,” says Tomas.

“But I can’t just pick the first religion I find, either,” I say.

“Well, why not?” asks Alberto.

“Because that would be similar to eating your first ice cream cone and saying that it’s the best one without trying the other flavors,” I tell him.

“Well, you can try my religion,” Alberto says.

“Your religion? And what religion might that be, Alberto?” asks Tomas.

“Well, if you must know, Tomas, my family and I am Catholic,” says Alberto.

“Really? We’re Catholic too,” Tomas says.

“But your family is rich. How can you be Catholic?” asks Alberto.

“You don’t have to be poor to be Catholic,” says Tomas.

“Actually, you do. In Luke 6:20, the Bible says, blessed are you who are poor, for yours in the kingdom of God. Also, In Matthew 19:24, the Bible says that it’s easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God,” Alberto says.

“How do you know all that?” I ask, “I thought you didn’t read the Bible?”

“I don’t, but my papa does. Papa told me it’s the reason why it’s okay for him to lose money playing cards,” says Alberto.

“But, I don’t want to be poor,” I say.

“Also, that’s not exactly how Catholicism works, Alberto. You don’t have to take everything literally, just the ones you like the most,” says Tomas.

Tomas turned to me and asks, “Do you remember that thing on the news about the mine in our land that collapsed?”

“Yeah. What about it?” I ask.

“I remember how one reporter asked my dad about the same camel quote and my dad said, listen honey-dear, Bible says, when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Now, how are you supposed to feed all that people if you didn’t have money to spend?” says Tomas. 

“But the Bible says that it’s better to be poor. That’s why church people give up all their worldly possessions,” says Alberto.

“I don’t know who told you all that, Alberto, but my dad told me the Church wasn’t poor. In fact, dad tells me that the Church invests in corporations too,” says Tomas, “See, Loki. You don’t have to be poor to be Catholic.”

“Catholic for a week then,” I say. “I guess I have to do some research on Jesus then, any ideas?” I ask them both.

“How about we all watch that Jesus movie, The Passion of the Christ? My dad says that movie made over six hundred million dollars. It must be very good then, right? We have several copies at home, gifts from my dad’s business friends,” says Tomas.

“But my mama doesn’t let me watch that. She says, it’s not for children,” says Alberto.

“Don’t be silly, Alberto. It’s a movie about Jesus. How can it possibly not be for children?” asks Tomas.

“Have you seen it yet?” I ask.

“Nope. Not yet,” says Tomas.

“That’s because you’re not allowed, and you weren’t allowed because it’s not for children,” says Alberto.

“Guys, why don’t we just watch the movie? We can decide later whether or not it was for children,” I say.

“Fine with me,” says Tomas.

“Fine. But I’m looking away from the not for children parts,” says Alberto.

“It’s settled then. My mom and dad are in some province to play golf. We can all watch it on Sunday at our house and play video games after.”

Chapter Ten

“So let me get this straight: first, you told everyone you were an atheist; second, you took money from everyone; third, you said that gods weren’t real; and then, finally, you told everyone that they were all going to hell?”

That’s Mrs. Sharon Domingo. She’s the principal. She’s also Sara’s mom. We are in so much trouble right now. I knew this was a bad idea. Whenever Tomas has an idea, it always turns out like this.

“Not exactly,” I explain, “First of all, it was Alberto who took the money. I never touched any money…”

“It was his idea!” Alberto points at Tomas.

“I’m not saying anything until I have a lawyer present,” says Tomas.

“As I was saying Ma’am,” I continue, “First, I had nothing to do with the money. Second, I never told everyone that I was an atheist. It was Sara who called me an atheist because I didn’t pray and Tomas thought that since a lot of people were interested in meeting an atheist, he should arrange a meet-up, for a small fee, of course.”

“Tomas? What do you have to say to this?” asks Mrs. Domingo.

Tomas crosses his arms and says, “Lawyer.”

Mrs. Domingo rolled her eyes and sighs.

“How about telling everyone that they’re all going to hell? How would you explain that?” she asks me.

“That wasn’t my idea either. I only said what the other kids have been telling each other when they were arguing about who was going to hell. Alberto and Tomas were telling Aaqil that non-Christians would go to hell and Aaqil and the other girl from fourth grade, the one with the silk hoodie, was telling Alberto and Tomas that non-Muslims would go to hell. Sara was telling Aladdin…”

“Wait, who?” asks Mrs. Domingo.

“The Indian boy that looks like an Arab, the one with a difficult name,” I say.

“His name is Radjendrakumar. It means, king, his mother tells me.” Mrs. Domingo says.

“We call him Aladdin. It’s easier to remember,” I say, “Anyway, Sara was telling Aladdin that he was going to hell because he prayed to too many gods and the first commandment had something to do with praying to only one God. Everyone thought that I was going to hell too because I didn’t pray to any God. So, I figured if non-Christians were sent to hell by Jesus and non-Muslims were sent to hell by Allah, then everyone was going to hell, because we’re all either non-Muslim or non-Christian.”

“That’s not how it works, Loki,” Mrs. Domingo says.

“How does it work?” I ask.

“Christians live their lives with the belief that there is only one God and that God is Jesus. Muslims live their lives with the belief that there is only one God and that God is Allah. No one knows who is right, but each individual’s cultural and spiritual identity is often determined by which God they pray to. Personally, my family and I, we’re Christian,” Mrs. Domingo says.

“If no one knows for certain who’s right, then why does everyone keep on insisting that their God is the real one, or that the people who worship the other God is going to hell or that praying is a good idea? I mean, what if every time you pray to Jesus, you’re only making Allah angry?” I ask.

“Loki, have you ever been in a situation when there was a question and you didn’t know what the answer was?” Mrs. Domingo asks.

“Yes. I get that a lot during math class,” I say.

“Me too,” Alberto nods at me.

“Well, what do you usually do in those situations?” Mrs. Domingo asks.

“Don’t answer that, Loki. It’s a trick question. She wants to know if you cheat in class,” says Tomas.

“Quiet, Tomas.” Mrs. Domingo glares at Tomas.

“I usually ask for help from the teacher,” I say.

“Good answer. That’s what I do too,” Tomas says.

“Well, what if the teacher wasn’t there? Or what if there was more than one teacher and you didn’t know which one of them was right?” Mrs. Domingo asks.

“I’d pick the teacher I liked most,” I say.

“Yes, you pick the one you like most and hope it’s the right one. Choosing a religion is similar to that, I think,” Mrs. Domingo says.

“I don’t think it’s similar at all, ma’am,” I say.

“Why not?” Mrs. Domingo asks.

“In math class, when I give the wrong answer, the teacher doesn’t send me to a lake of fire to suffer and burn for all eternity,” I say.

Chapter Nine

Tomas is on top of the slide and he’s surrounded by children from different batches, while Alberto’s at the bottom of the slide collecting P5.00 coins from those who wanted to attend the show. Instead of making an environment awareness poster, Tomas made one that said, “LITLE ATHEYIST.” He didn’t spell it correctly, but I didn’t bother to correct him because he was very proud of his contribution to our “corporation.”

“Boys and girls,” he begins, “Today you are about to meet one of the most scariest people to ever exist in the whole entire wide world. He doesn’t believe in G-O-D, and he’s not afraid of H-E-L…”

There’s a big gasp in the crowd and they’re looking around like something disallowed is currently going on – they look a little scared, like if they listen to Tomas some more they’ll be in trouble. The kids keep coming and Alberto keeps on collecting coins.

“He is an atheist!” Tomas continues, “And today he will tell us about his strange view of the universe and why he doesn’t believe in the B-A-B-L-E!”

“What’s a Bable?” asks one of the older kids.

“What he meant was Bible,” says Alberto.

“I don’t know what the big deal is. I mean, I don’t believe in the Bible either,” Aaqil says from the back row.

“You can speak in English?” asks Tomas.

“The Mindanawi can speak in English!” Alberto announces.

I go over to Aaqil to ask him if he’s an atheist. He says, “No, we’re Muslim. We believe the Koran. Our God is Allah. And we don’t eat pig.”

“I don’t believe in the Bible either,” another voice from the back says. “We have many different gods and we don’t eat cow.”

It’s Aladdin. That’s not his real name. We just call him that because he looks Arab. But he isn’t Arab either. He says he’s Indian. But he doesn’t look Indian at all. From what I know about Indians, they’re supposed to have a Mohawk, red paint on their faces, and feathers on their hair to show their tribe rank.

Grandpa told me all about it a few years ago. The Indian boy who looks like an Arab boy is fine with us calling him Aladdin because no one can really pronounce his real name correctly.

The kids are starting to argue about who’s going to hell and about who’s going to be saved and it’s getting noisy.

“Wait! Settle down! We’re here because of the atheist. Yes, Aladdin has several gods and Aaqil has his own God too, but our speaker today – he believes that these gods are not real.”

There’s a gasp again, followed by silence.

“Oh. He’s going to hell,” says Aaqil.

Aladdin agrees with Aaqil and everyone’s nodding. Tomas decides that this is the perfect time to introduce me.

“Ladies and gentlemen! The little atheist boy!” screamed Tomas and Alberto and him pointed at me.

There’s no applause. It’s very quiet and awkward.

"You?" asks Aaqil.

“That’s not an atheist,” says Aladdin. “That’s just Loki. I want my money back.”

“But I am an atheist,” I say, “sort of.”

“But you don’t look like an atheist,” says Aaqil.

“What’s an atheist supposed to look like?” I ask.

“I don’t know. I’ve never met one. But from what I hear, atheists are supposed to look real mean,” says Aaqil.

I shrug.

“So, are you going to hell?” asks Aladdin.

“I’m not sure. But based on what I’ve been hearing from you guys, it seems that we’re all going to hell,” I say.

“Wait, what? Even us? How’d you figure that?” asks Tomas.

“Well, according to Aaqil, Allah would send non-Muslims to hell. According to Alberto, Jesus would send non-Christians to hell. Since, all of us here are either non-Christian or non-Muslim, I guess that means we’re all going to hell, it’s just a matter of who’s sending us there,” I say.

A girl from first grade started to cry.

“We’re all going to hell!” Alberto screams. Then everyone starts screaming and running in all directions. I get confused from all the running that I start screaming and running too. And the teachers got out of the faculty room to chase after everyone and figure out what’s going on.

Chapter Eight

It’s still science class. We were told by Mr. Delgado to make posters that could encourage people to take care of the environment. Tomas comes over with P60 worth of 5 peso coins and scatters them over the poster I was making.

“Where did you get that?” I ask.

“Boy, you’re going to like what I’m about to tell you!” He says.

“Go away, I’m making a poster,” I say.

“Listen, I told people from the other classes that I knew an atheist and they all said that they wanted to see one. They were asking if you were evil and if you had horns and I told them that I’d show them an atheist if they each gave me P5.00,” he tells me.

“And I am the atheist?” I ask.

“Yes, that’s your contribution,” Tomas says.

“Contribution to what?” I ask.

“Duh! Our corporation!” He says.

“But I don’t even know much about atheist stuff,” I say.

“Neither do they!” Tomas says, “Just make stuff up. Or just tell them why you don’t believe in gods and stuff.”

“Make stuff up? But that would be lying. I don’t want to lie,” I say.

“Why not? It’s not like you’re going to hell, right?” Tomas say.

“I don’t lie because it’s wrong. Not because I’d be punished,” I say.

“Fine! Just tell them the truth then. Tell them about your version of how the world began. You know? The one with monkeys turning into people,” Tomas says.

“Monkeys don’t turn into people,” I try to tell him. “They come from a common ancestor and after millions and millions…”

“Wait! Save the monkey story for later,” he says.

Chapter Seven

After snack time, Mr. Delgado comes in to tell us about the importance of recycling. He talks about the problems we might have about global warming if we keep on making the planet dirty.

Mr. Delgado says that if the Earth becomes very hot, the ice in the polar places would melt and the Earth would be flooded. Sara raises her hand and says, “That won’t happen, Mr. Delgado. God promised that He wouldn’t flood the Earth again. God even made a rainbow to remind people of His promise.”

Mr. Delgado goes quiet. I think he’s as confused as I was in the previous class. Last I heard, God was a good person, but then why would he cause a great flood? Mr. Delgado says, “Okay. But we have to help God keep the world safe from pollution, right?”

“But God doesn’t need help, Mr. Delgado,” Sara says, “He’s God. He can do anything.”

“But Sara,” I ask, “If God was good, why would he flood the earth?”

“People were being bad and making God very angry,” Sara says.

“But if God could do anything, why doesn’t he just stop himself from being angry, or stop the people from being bad?” I ask.

“Class, human beings have been behaving badly by polluting the earth. Maybe God has decided to make global warming to warn people that if they continued to neglect the environment, he would flood the earth again,” Mr. Delgado explains.

“But that can’t happen. God promised that He wouldn’t flood the earth again,” says Sara.

“Why did he flood the Earth the first time?” I ask.

“He flooded the earth to punish all the sinners,” she says.

“Did anyone die?” I ask.

“Everyone and everything died,” she says, “except for Noah, his family, and the animals in the ark.”

Now, I’m really confused. I think Sara noticed how confused I was so she explains further. She goes to where Mr. Delgado is and stands in front of the class to tell the story to everyone.

“A long, long, long, long time ago,” she begins, “the people of the Earth were being bad and disobeying God. One day, God was very angry and decided to punish all the sinners. But before he did so, he told Noah to make a big, big, big Ark for his family. God also told him to pick one boy and one girl of each kind of animal in the Earth so that they can all be saved from the great flood.”

“All?” I ask.

Sara says, “Yes, two of each animal of the earth: two geese, two elephants, two tigers, two crocodiles, two kangaroos, two ants…”

I raise my hand. Sara rolls her eyes. “Yes, Loki?”

“If there were only two ants in the boat, what did they feed the anteaters?” I ask her.

“I don’t know, I wasn’t there.” She says.

Everyone laughs.

“And then there were two snails, and two spiders, and two koala bears, and two Philippine eagles, and two tarsiers…”

“Why’d there have to be two?” I ask.

“So they won’t get lonely,” she says.

“What if they don’t like their animal partner?” I ask.

“They have no choice. They must, at least, pretend to like each other because they’re married and God will become angry if they fight and split-up. Anyway, there were two bears, two cheetahs, two mongrels…”

“Were there any dinosaurs?” I ask.

“Of course there were dinosaurs,” she says.

“If they were saved, how come there aren’t any left?” I ask.

“Maybe Noah picked the wrong dinosaurs,” she says.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Maybe one of the dinosaurs was gay!” Tomas Labuyo screams from the back row.

“That’s not what I meant!” Sara says, “Sir! Tomas said a bad word!”

“Gay is not a bad word, Sara,” Mr. Delgado says, "But you shouldn't use it in a derogatory manner, Tomas."

I raise my hand again, “Were there two of every fish in the boat too?”

“Of course, Peter! God said to take two of EACH animal in the earth,” Sara says.

“But, fish can’t drown. Why do they need to be on the boat?” I ask.

“Stop asking questions and listen to the story, Loki,” says Sara. “You’re not supposed to question the word of God.”

While Sara tells everyone about the 40 days and 40 nights of rain, I go over to Mr. Delgado and ask him how all the animals could fit in Noah’s ark since he was the one who said that there were over 5,000,000 species. “How big was the boat?” I ask Mr. Delgado. “It had to fit 10,000,000 animals, right? How big could it have been?”

“If there was an ark that was built to fit all the species of animals… it must have been very, very, very big,” Mr. Delgado says.

I try very hard to figure it out. I go back to my seat sit there for a little bit, then I remember the clown car. One Sunday, Mom and Dad took me to the circus and at the very beginning of the show there was a small yellow beetle car with pink and purple flower drawings all over. It came from behind a curtain and settled at the center of the circus ring.

One by one, out came clowns! I forgot to count how many clowns came out of the car because I was laughing so hard, but it must be more than a dozen clowns who managed to fit in the tiny car.

I imagine Noah’s boat painted bright yellow too. I imagine it being like a giant clown car from where bright colored animals emerged like clowns – first came a blue gorilla, then a yellow dinosaur, then a pink bat, then a red panda.

Chapter Six

“Loki, Alberto and I were in a meeting and we evaluated that there’s a good possibility that you might go to hell when you die,” said Tomas. He stood in front of me and looked at me closely. He put a hand on his chin and his brow wrinkled. “Hmm…” he said. “But don’t worry. We can solve this. Being a businessman has taught me many things. For one, it taught me to be a problem-solver.”

“I don’t have a problem,” I say, “And you’re not a businessman.”

“Don’t be scared. We’re here for you,” Alberto hugs me and it feels very awkward.

“Scared of what? I’m not scared,” I tell them.

“Aren’t you scared of S-a-i… t-h-a-n?” Tomas spells.

“Who’s Saithan?” asks Alberto.

“I think he meant Satan, Alberto,” I say.

“Don’t say it! If you say it enough times, the devil will possess you!” says Tomas.

“Really?” I ask. “Satan, Satan, Sa…” Alberto jams his fingers into my mouth and it still tastes like the burger he had for lunch.

“Stop! It’s true! My cousin said that they had a neighbor who was possessed because he said S-a-t-a-n for the six hundredth and sixty-sixth time,” adds Alberto.

“Where do you guys hear these things?” I ask.

“My dad told me that the devil had red skin, horns, and he looked a little like grandpa,” says Tomas.

“My mother told me that the devil was made of fire,” says Alberto.

“Yeah, and Aaqil said that Satan looked like Sauron from Lord of the Rings – like he’s one big burning eye; do grown-ups really believe that?” I ask.

“You parents don’t?” asks Tomas.

“I don’t think so. My parents don’t believe many things. They don’t believe in faeries, or vampires, or ghosts, or myths. Whenever I ask mom why they don’t believe in myths, they say, because we believe in science, Loki, and according to science, most myths’ version of how human beings came to be is wrong.”

Chapter Five

It's recess Alberto tries to explain to me how Jesus saves lives. He tells me there are souls and sinners and a talking serpent, and it all begins with Adam and Eve.

“So, you’re saying that everyone was expelled from paradise because Eve told Adam to eat the forbidden fruit and he did?” I ask him.

“Something like that,” he says.

“Is that fair?” I ask. “How come everyone gets punished for a bad thing that two people did?”

“God works in mysterious ways,” he says.

“That’s very, very mysterious,” I say and ask him about the Jesus part.

“Well, Jesus saved the sinners by dying on the cross,” Alberto says.

“How’d that happen?” I ask.

“God works in mysterious ways,” he says.

“So, he’s dead?” I ask.

“No, he was alive again three days after he was dead,” he says.

“You mean, like a zombie?” I ask.

“Sort of, but he wasn’t gray and ugly like other zombies.” Alberto says, “And then he went to heaven.”

“But earlier you said that heaven was for dead people,” I say.

“It’s very mysterious,” he says.

“Wait, if Catholics, like you, were already saved when Jesus died on the cross, why’d you have to do all those other things like church and confession?” I ask.

“Because if you didn’t, you’d go to hell,” says Alberto.

“If you could still go to hell, then that means you’re not saved yet, right?” I ask.

“I don’t know. God works in mysterious ways,” Alberto says.

“So Jesus is God’s son, but he’s also God, and he’s also a spirit. He went to Earth to save us by dying. He died and was alive again. But he decided to live in a place for dead people anyway. When he died, we were all saved from sin, but not from hell, because we can still go to hell if we didn’t go to church… which means that we’re, sort of, not saved at all. This is all very confusing,” I say.

“You bet,” Alberto agrees.

“What’s the deal with Satan?” I ask.

“I don’t know. He’s a jerk, I guess,” says Alberto.

“But if your God made everything, doesn’t that mean that he made Satan too?” I ask.

“Why would he do such a thing?” asks Alberto.

“I don’t know. I’m asking you,” I say.

“God works in mysterious ways,” he says.

“But what does the Bible say about it?” I ask.

“I don’t know. I’ve never read it,” Alberto says.

“But you told me earlier that Catholics had to believe in the Bible,” I say.

“Yeah, but no one said that Catholics had to read it,” Alberto says, "You can't eat your cake and have it too."

"I don't know what that means, Alberto," I tell him.

"Neither do I," he says and takes a bite of his burger. "It's a mystery. Life is full of mysteries."